Rethinking “It’s Just Who I Am”

“It’s just who I am.” If you’ve been listening to my learning snacks or reading my blogs, you’ve probably heard me rail against the sentence. I just don’t like it because it limits growth and flexibility.

I was discussing this phrase with a leadership client of mine and I came to realize that there’s another reason why this phrase is not helpful in your career or in your life. Why? Because things can be very context-dependent.

You might be one way in a certain context, but in another situation that might be exactly who you are.

Let me give you an example. I don’t think of myself as bossy or controlling. But my daughter is a little bit that way and I meet her energy with the same. Therefore, in her eyes, I seem very much that way – in this context, my dial is turned way up.

On the other hand, with my clients, my dial is turned way down when it comes to telling them what to do or taking control.

This then leads me to the idea of adjusting your dials.

Instead of saying that’s “just who I am” OR “am not”, perhaps you can try shifting your dial and turning it up or down. With a client of mine who rarely speaks up in meetings, I discussed the idea of turning her dial up a notch and trying to speak up more frequently, even if they haven’t thoroughly vetted the idea being presented.

On the other hand, some people tend to take up all the air in a room, leaving little space for others’ ideas. For them, turning the dial down and listening more could lead to valuable insights.

The key takeaway? You don’t have to be the same version of yourself in every situation. Flexibility is a strength, and being able to turn your dial up or down depending on the context is an important aspect of growth. Next time you catch yourself saying, “It’s just who I am,” stop and ask if you need to shift your dial for the situation.

Read more: Is It Time to Re-evaluate Your Context?